All that needs to be said

I suppose it's a bit like the straw that broke the camels back, or maybe the last four simply opened my eyes. A bottle of scotch, not even a whole bottle, on an empty stomach was enough to start the wheels turning. But it's kinda hard to drive a manual, finding gears can take time, but once your moving where to next? The truth is that freedom means I'm stuck, it's given me to many options, disabling my ability to make decisions. When i wake in the morning it'll just be easier to stay and keep treading the same eighteen month old water. Drinking started as a past time, became something of an obsession, now it's daily life and the sickness in my stomach lets me know i'm still breathing. There's people around me but I can't be fucked trying to explain the way i feel, I've done it to many times and all that happens is a repeat of what happened before.

There's methods of extracting one's self from certain situations, but for the most part I'm happy to spend the rest of my time dreaming of a sea side cottage, playing eye spy and drinking my liver to an early resignation. If I cannot quit this burden my body can quit the game.