The Faceless They

They did it, wasn't me, no way mate. I swear mate, it was them, they without the faces, without the fingerprints of toes or hearts. Dead set mate, wish I never met them to be honest, but then I never really had much say in all of that did I? No mate, not my choice at all.

It'll all started a long time ago, a long long fucking time ago, back when I thought girls were sweet and men were honest, back when I thought the whole world was a solid staunch kinda place where everyone looked out for one another. But then they walked onto the scene.

I was sitting on a log, or maybe it was a stump, or maybe it could have even been a chair. yes, yes I remember now, it was a chair, a cheap plastic one in the courtyard of a church, not an old church, not a grand church, not even a very churchy church at all. So I was sitting there, I was a bit younger than I am now, like I said, this all happened a very long time ago. I was so young in fact, that I hadn't taken up smoking yet, though I did take the cancer sticks up maybe a little later than most, being fifteen when I commited myself to one of the worlds most hated sub cultures. Seeing as I hadn't yet taken up smoking I was sitting there quite awkwardly, twiddling my thumbs, feeling very obviously like an outcast among these jesus freaks. I could see them walking up the busy road, a world away from the not so churchy church I felt trapped in. I jumped over a small brick wall and felt freedom punch my face, hard gravel kiss my feet. I joined the masses of them walking along the streets, eyes bloodshot, breath carrying a tang of grog, lit ciggies dangling from bottom lips in a very trendy rock star style. I walked among them, smiling like only a goofy fouteen year old could, they couldn't see me, back then I was the faceless one.

After my first encounter with them I didnt see them for a very long time, though the time was approaching, everyone could tell. Then one day, I lost it, my innocence, did it proper good style, real like horrorshow, drank till I was drunk, smoked a ciggie, then another then another till it was just the expert thing to do in the situation, then through what I guess was luck, found myself in bed with one of them. she had a pretty face, though her face was the last thing on my mind. In the morning she laughed when I explained to her the importance of the previous night. They were gaining a hold of me. She left a little while later, and though we tried to keep in touch, we drifted, as they often do. Sometimes I wonder if she's still one of them, though there's no way of knowing.

After that evening, I found the only people I spent time with was them, they of the positive negative kind of influence, they who can educate like no school or book or training program ever thought of. Though at times I'm sure we wonder if we really ever needed an education such as they provided. But experience is the key one of them once told me.

After many years of knowing them and their kind as associates, I one day awoke to realise I was one of them! Alas, no longer was I the young thumb twiddling outcast sitting in the courtyard of a not so churchy church, I was them, they were me, we were one and the same, one for all and all for one.

And some claim it's really living to be able to smell the stench of the human condition, others talk about optimism, pessimism and cynicism, still others blunder round blindly telling the deaf how fucking wonderful the world is. But at the end of the day, it's simply the way I was born, sure, I may have avoided all the information, but I'm an inquisitive soul I suppose, maybe thats what made me jump that low brick wall back in the day before I ever lit a gasper. I know for sure though, they did it to me. Just the same as I'll do it to the next generation and so on and so forth, a never ending cycles, a vicous circle of coming to age, losing innocence and staying alive despite the odds.