The Touch of Julie Jane

There's a big day, only a matter of hours away and I know I really should sleep. I take deep breaths, try to relax my mind, think about sleepy thoughts and count about three sheep. My mind drifts and I know I wont be sleeping anytime soon, I think about what's gonna happen next, when I move, leave what's become home and go to a place I've only ever viewed with contempt. I leave on Saturday, today is Wednesday. Once I finish work I better make a start on packing. I wonder if I'll do the job okay, I wonder if the people I'll be working with will be nice. Naturally, I wonder if I'll meet a nice girl. Then Julie Jane walks into my mind and sits down.
"Hello Benny"
"Hello Girly"
"Been alright?" she asks. I look at her, her eyes tell me that she already knows the answer.
"Nah, a bit off and on lately." I say smiling, looking away. She walks out of my head. She walks into my room, but she's not real, we both know that. She sits on my bed. "Promise me you'll be fine yeah?" she says, reaching for my hand.
"What do you mean?" I ask, wondering how she knows me so well.
"Even if you miss me, your gonna do great in Norseman." she says, so sweetly I could almost cry. I don't know what to say, she summed it all up. I sit there feeling dumb, wishing she was real, wishing I could sit up and touch her face, but she's just a figment of my imagination I suppose. She leaves the room, walks through the wall. I sit up and lean over to the light switch. I know there'll be no sleep for me tonight. I walk through to my other room, my eyes roving over my scattered belonging, dreading the thought of having to pack it all up. I sit at my computer and check my emails. One new message. From Julie Jane.
Dear Benny
How are you? Miss you heaps.
I just had my final exam today and had a few drinks with the girls. Haha, feeling a bit tipsy, think I may have had to much to drink. I heard your moving to Norseman, to work with Paul. I wish I could follow you, you'll be fine where ever you go Ben. I'd like to quit my school and go and see you, I really miss my life in Western Australia, over here I'm just like a studying machine, its like.... crazy! I feel like I'm dead at the moment, all I do is just go to Uni, I've lost a bit of weight, I'm 51kg, Mum says it's disgusting, says I need to eat more.
Anyway, I think I have to drink lots of water, have some Panadol and go to bed.
But promise me you'll be okay Benny
I miss you
J:J

I sit stunned, looking at the screen of my computer. We promised each other we'd stay in touch, promised we'd keep the bond we'd forged among the gum trees, but time wore on, work demanded more, people come and go and though we kept in contact, it became sporadic, sometimes an awkward phone call, maybe the odd email. And then, one night, I think about her, hallucinate about her even and then there's this email. My mind spirals dangerously out of control, I have a smoke to calm myself, swallow a quick nip of whiskey.

I think I need to buy some new threads, for my time in Norseman. Became something of a sharp dressed man, hang out with a better breed of people. Maybe I should get into shape, start walking or jogging, nothing extreme, I don't want no six pack or anything, just maybe a little less gut, a little less flesh hanging over my belt. I certainly need to see a doctor, need to straighten my head out, but there's no way I'll be talking about the shit, hopefully they make some magic kind of pill that just erases all the dark past, makes the future seem brighter, ya know, makes half empty glasses look half full. Maybe I'll cut down the grog, but then it's only ever been the enviroment around me making me drink, everyone out here's a bloody piss pot. Maybe I'll make some classy friends, have dinner parties, go to back yard barbeques, join a darts team.

I look at the clock, it's three am, I really ought to get some sleep, even if I only get three hours. I shut down my computer, turn some music on, light a smoke. I sit on the edge of my bed, going over Julie Jane's email in my head. I stub out my ciggie, turn off the lights and lay down. As my eyes close and my breathing slows I feel her hand on my face. She whispers something, and even though I dont hear what it is, I know what she said.